Next Day Regrets

I cried so hard I hyperventilated again. I hate it when that happens.

It hurts. 

Whining

I just got home from work about half an hour ago.

I am tired. And irritated. And a wee bit angry. 

Daughter is being disobedient. But of course I don't understand. I have clear instructions but I'm the one not listening. 

*sigh*

I share my bed with the cats. Husband usually sleeps on the sofa because that is where he fell asleep. I normally can't get him up to get him to move. 

I kind of like having the space, but it is lonely. 

I don't like working my schedule. 

The Wishes of Fishes

Dancing in the falling snow at night.

Exploring the Christmas light lane and tying to get the photos just right. 

Snuggling under a shared blanket after a walk in the snow. 

Going up to see the star on the hill and enjoying the view with each other, no one else, no devices. And getting hot chocolate after. 

Board games, card games, video games. 

Quiet time together with music softly playing in the background. 

Baking together, and then decorating the results. 

Talking late into the night without worry of work or getting up early.

Making something warm to drink and taking a drive away from the city to see the stars. 

Go back and see if there are still cows along the walking trail. 

Exploring some wooded creek. 

Taking gifts out to nature. 

Falling asleep under the same blanket. 

Grinchiness

I hate Christmas. I never used to. But years of problems and no help and feeling alone and financial issues and those same financial issues causing relationship issues have finally taken their toll on me.

I hate Christmas. 

Well. Perhaps it has turned into irritated indifference. I want it over. I feel no joy or famial warmth. Just the bland sensation of obligation, like going to a job I am going to quit soon. 

I'm not even upset over the fact I used to love Christmas and loved planning and baking and finding gifts that were unexpected. I used to be. That is gone now too.

And in a way that is liberating.

Not being upset any longer over the disappointment and frustration and loneliness is liberating. I mean, those feelings are still there to some degree, but I don't feel upset like I used to. Sort of like finally adjusting to ill fitting shoes. When you think about it too hard they are terribly uncomfortable, but if you ignore it, it goes away. 

I think this is supposed to be a bad thing. But I am not sure I care. 

Oh well. 

See?! This Is What Happens!

I TOLD you this is what happens when you don't feed the husband thing on time. He doesn't even wait for the cat to finish cooking properly! Good grief.

At least he should have let it finish draining properly.

Non-Edible Edibles

Several years ago I played a bit with polymer clay. I made a handful of things, but one of the things that I really enjoyed making was a set of mini baked goods.

Everything was made with white clay and painted after they were baked. Sadly, most of them did not survive. I need to make some again. There is, in no particular order, a vanilla cake, caramel apple pie, blue berry tart, sprinkle glazed doughnut, chocolate eclair, a cinnamon roll, a vanilla chocolate swirl frosted cupcake, cheesecake, and a snicker-doodle cookie.

I think the doughnut was my most favorite to make. I love the sprinkles I painted on.

Spring Missed

Sadly, I didn't do anything for the Spring Equinox this year. This past month has been rather hectic with everything that has been going on. Church activities, birthdays, a metaphysical faire, a pow wow, settlement meetings with lawyers. I really do enjoy being able to celebrate all the little things that a lot of people tend not to notice.

Special foods and activities are things I try to arrange for the Equinoxes and the Solstices. Though, this year I am not sure what I would have done, other than making some things to give to the local birdies. Some dessert bready type things with dried fruit? I am not sure.

Perhaps I shall do something belated for next weekend. Wait. I have another birthday that I am providing the cake for.

*sigh*

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Yes, it has been ages since I poked my head out of my little hole. I've been dreadfully ill for the majority of February and a good chunk of March too. I hope that is all behind me now as I look forward to being 32 now, spring, growing things, and warmer weather.

And today we celebrate St. Patrick's Day! I am in love with all the clovers and the shamrocks and the green and the wee folk!

I made my little wee folk a themed bento.

Pot O' Gold bento!

Sausage and corn on a bed of chicken ramen noodles.

Steamed and seasoned asparagus tips with broccoli florets, kiwi slices, lime jello, and snow pea cracker snacks.

I have more planned for the day. I'll get things posted when I have the pictures!

When You Least Expect It, Or, You Should Have Seen That Coming

Sleepy little girl. Snoozing Castle. She's about to lie down for a nap...

There are things in life that happen to us. Sometimes these things seem to take us by surprise. We are minding our own business, doing the things we do every day, when suddenly an event seems to fall right out of the sky, squashing is beneath its weight. We wonder why this is happening to us. We wonder why not someone else. We wonder, perhaps, why the powers that be seem to enjoy picking on us.

We didn't deserve this. We deserve better. This isn't fair.

Well, no, it isn't. But things aren't very fair to anyone else either.

I, personally, love the following quote from whom I have no idea. "Expect the unexpected, and the unexpected never happens."

It is simple wisdom I should follow that more closely than I have been.

Anything can happen at any time. Expect it to happen at some point, because really, at some point it will. Mentally prepare yourself for when something unpleasant pops up on your doorstep. But also know that unexpected good things will come your way too. This also merges with the concept of preparedness, making sure your stores are full, and you know how to use them.

Sadly, around my house, some of the household members are in the bad habit of not even wanting to think of something wrong happening. That would be unfair. Things should go smoothly because they deserve it. No hiccups. No side tracks. No plan 'B'. It WILL work because it simply SHOULD. No talking or thinking otherwise.

Now, there is positive thinking, and then there is simply putting blinders on. That has garnered more trouble than I could ever list. Just simply willing something to work for you will not make it so. The Lord will bless us for our faith, but after we have done all we can, and that includes preparing, physically and mentally, for the unexpected.

Things will happen as they will. Sometimes there is a greater purpose in things. Sometimes not. Expect it all to happen, especially the good. Prepare for the bad, embrace the good, and know that life has even more in store for us.

... Right against the one kitty who hates all the other kitties in the house.

She should have seen that one coming.

Lucky Girl

I've been very sick for two weeks now, and I know that is frustrating for my honey. He doesn't cook, and he works hard all day with frustrating people, so coming home and cleaning is an additional chore when he'd rather relax and try to detox. We've spent an obnoxious amount of money on eating out the past two weeks. He hasn't complained once about it. He's also kept the kitchen fairly clean (there have been small bouts of cooking to make it messy, plus just every day existing with a nine year old), as well as making sure the livingroom doesn't begin taking victims.

For Valentine's Day he cooked and cleaned especially for me. We had gone out together on Saturday, but that ended up being a little overwhelming for my system. So Sunday he decided he was going to make sure everything was taken care of for me. Even drew me a bath.

He tries so hard.

I'm very lucky.