Next Day Regrets

I cried so hard I hyperventilated again. I hate it when that happens.

It hurts. 

Whining

I just got home from work about half an hour ago.

I am tired. And irritated. And a wee bit angry. 

Daughter is being disobedient. But of course I don't understand. I have clear instructions but I'm the one not listening. 

*sigh*

I share my bed with the cats. Husband usually sleeps on the sofa because that is where he fell asleep. I normally can't get him up to get him to move. 

I kind of like having the space, but it is lonely. 

I don't like working my schedule. 

The Wishes of Fishes

Dancing in the falling snow at night.

Exploring the Christmas light lane and tying to get the photos just right. 

Snuggling under a shared blanket after a walk in the snow. 

Going up to see the star on the hill and enjoying the view with each other, no one else, no devices. And getting hot chocolate after. 

Board games, card games, video games. 

Quiet time together with music softly playing in the background. 

Baking together, and then decorating the results. 

Talking late into the night without worry of work or getting up early.

Making something warm to drink and taking a drive away from the city to see the stars. 

Go back and see if there are still cows along the walking trail. 

Exploring some wooded creek. 

Taking gifts out to nature. 

Falling asleep under the same blanket. 

Grinchiness

I hate Christmas. I never used to. But years of problems and no help and feeling alone and financial issues and those same financial issues causing relationship issues have finally taken their toll on me.

I hate Christmas. 

Well. Perhaps it has turned into irritated indifference. I want it over. I feel no joy or famial warmth. Just the bland sensation of obligation, like going to a job I am going to quit soon. 

I'm not even upset over the fact I used to love Christmas and loved planning and baking and finding gifts that were unexpected. I used to be. That is gone now too.

And in a way that is liberating.

Not being upset any longer over the disappointment and frustration and loneliness is liberating. I mean, those feelings are still there to some degree, but I don't feel upset like I used to. Sort of like finally adjusting to ill fitting shoes. When you think about it too hard they are terribly uncomfortable, but if you ignore it, it goes away. 

I think this is supposed to be a bad thing. But I am not sure I care. 

Oh well. 

See?! This Is What Happens!

I TOLD you this is what happens when you don't feed the husband thing on time. He doesn't even wait for the cat to finish cooking properly! Good grief.

At least he should have let it finish draining properly.

Non-Edible Edibles

Several years ago I played a bit with polymer clay. I made a handful of things, but one of the things that I really enjoyed making was a set of mini baked goods.

Everything was made with white clay and painted after they were baked. Sadly, most of them did not survive. I need to make some again. There is, in no particular order, a vanilla cake, caramel apple pie, blue berry tart, sprinkle glazed doughnut, chocolate eclair, a cinnamon roll, a vanilla chocolate swirl frosted cupcake, cheesecake, and a snicker-doodle cookie.

I think the doughnut was my most favorite to make. I love the sprinkles I painted on.

Spring Missed

Sadly, I didn't do anything for the Spring Equinox this year. This past month has been rather hectic with everything that has been going on. Church activities, birthdays, a metaphysical faire, a pow wow, settlement meetings with lawyers. I really do enjoy being able to celebrate all the little things that a lot of people tend not to notice.

Special foods and activities are things I try to arrange for the Equinoxes and the Solstices. Though, this year I am not sure what I would have done, other than making some things to give to the local birdies. Some dessert bready type things with dried fruit? I am not sure.

Perhaps I shall do something belated for next weekend. Wait. I have another birthday that I am providing the cake for.

*sigh*

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Yes, it has been ages since I poked my head out of my little hole. I've been dreadfully ill for the majority of February and a good chunk of March too. I hope that is all behind me now as I look forward to being 32 now, spring, growing things, and warmer weather.

And today we celebrate St. Patrick's Day! I am in love with all the clovers and the shamrocks and the green and the wee folk!

I made my little wee folk a themed bento.

Pot O' Gold bento!

Sausage and corn on a bed of chicken ramen noodles.

Steamed and seasoned asparagus tips with broccoli florets, kiwi slices, lime jello, and snow pea cracker snacks.

I have more planned for the day. I'll get things posted when I have the pictures!

When You Least Expect It, Or, You Should Have Seen That Coming

Sleepy little girl. Snoozing Castle. She's about to lie down for a nap...

There are things in life that happen to us. Sometimes these things seem to take us by surprise. We are minding our own business, doing the things we do every day, when suddenly an event seems to fall right out of the sky, squashing is beneath its weight. We wonder why this is happening to us. We wonder why not someone else. We wonder, perhaps, why the powers that be seem to enjoy picking on us.

We didn't deserve this. We deserve better. This isn't fair.

Well, no, it isn't. But things aren't very fair to anyone else either.

I, personally, love the following quote from whom I have no idea. "Expect the unexpected, and the unexpected never happens."

It is simple wisdom I should follow that more closely than I have been.

Anything can happen at any time. Expect it to happen at some point, because really, at some point it will. Mentally prepare yourself for when something unpleasant pops up on your doorstep. But also know that unexpected good things will come your way too. This also merges with the concept of preparedness, making sure your stores are full, and you know how to use them.

Sadly, around my house, some of the household members are in the bad habit of not even wanting to think of something wrong happening. That would be unfair. Things should go smoothly because they deserve it. No hiccups. No side tracks. No plan 'B'. It WILL work because it simply SHOULD. No talking or thinking otherwise.

Now, there is positive thinking, and then there is simply putting blinders on. That has garnered more trouble than I could ever list. Just simply willing something to work for you will not make it so. The Lord will bless us for our faith, but after we have done all we can, and that includes preparing, physically and mentally, for the unexpected.

Things will happen as they will. Sometimes there is a greater purpose in things. Sometimes not. Expect it all to happen, especially the good. Prepare for the bad, embrace the good, and know that life has even more in store for us.

... Right against the one kitty who hates all the other kitties in the house.

She should have seen that one coming.

Lucky Girl

I've been very sick for two weeks now, and I know that is frustrating for my honey. He doesn't cook, and he works hard all day with frustrating people, so coming home and cleaning is an additional chore when he'd rather relax and try to detox. We've spent an obnoxious amount of money on eating out the past two weeks. He hasn't complained once about it. He's also kept the kitchen fairly clean (there have been small bouts of cooking to make it messy, plus just every day existing with a nine year old), as well as making sure the livingroom doesn't begin taking victims.

For Valentine's Day he cooked and cleaned especially for me. We had gone out together on Saturday, but that ended up being a little overwhelming for my system. So Sunday he decided he was going to make sure everything was taken care of for me. Even drew me a bath.

He tries so hard.

I'm very lucky.

I Needs Me Some Energy

I have been sick since Tuesday of last week. Well, I started feeling it then. It kicked into high gear on Thursday and is just barely letting go. Bronchitis is just evil. Not much has been done since I got sick because of the lack of energy and strength I have.

No Canyon, those sort of drinks are BAD for you.

I have all kinds of plans for when I am no longer hacking up my spleen and the effort of warming a can of ravioli nearly makes me faint.

Felted Slugs

Things have been a wee bit slow. Mostly my fault.  I just need to get some fire under my seat and get some things done. Like all those felted things I bought all that wool for.

I have a few things that are nearly done. But until they are, here is Hydra, probably asking the heavens why I pester her cuteness so much.

How can you resist those whiskers?

Not As Lemony Fresh

I have been cleaning the past couple days. I'm not nesting. I just need to get things under control once and for final before the mess grows a life of it's own and devours us all whole, kicking and screaming for help.

I just wish the cleaning aftermath didn't smell quite so... chemically. I should invest in more natural cleaners.

I wish it would smell more like lemons. Or oranges.

The Kitchen is almost all ticked off the list. Bits and pieces of other things that needed doing here and there around the house are getting done too. It will be nice when I can sit back and not worry about deep cleaning that needs doing, because it has already been done.

Her Highness

Gypsy views herself as queen of everything. She is very indignant despite her skittish nature. Everything and everyone is here to serve her, even if the people are not allowed in her illustrious presence.

Older brother Canyon is merely resting cushion.

Experimentations

Despite the previous post, I decided to try doing something new this evening...

Strawberry marshmallows dipped in chocolate. Oh so very healthy.

At least they make me smile!

Expanding

I just weighed myself for the first time in a long time. It wasn't pretty. However, the upside to this is that it has solidified my resolve to not cringe when I think of the scale and use it as a tool in my personal challenge to become healthier.

Yes, I too made one of those resolves to become healthier. I figured I would not worry so much about the aspect of the weight, but focus on the healthy and strong aspect. I am going to be walking, hiking, eventually running, cycling (once the bicycle fairy visits), swimming. I am going to kick some arse!

Shrinking in pounds and inches would be a bonus.

Procrastiblogging

We've all done it.

Told ourselves it was okay.

Committed to work it out.

Later.

Procrastination.

That has been the word for today. And yesterday actually. If you recall I made a list of things that needed to be done. Not all in one day mind you, but I had hoped to cross off at least two or three things. I can barely call one of the things done. Well, yes, my house is a mess. It has a way of looking like it barely survived a natural disaster, but just barely.

We, the husband and I, however, have been working on that. Storage bins are a wonder. It's amazing the stuff that can be kept off the floor, raised surfaces, and ceiling fans simply by putting it into a storage bin! Hallelujah! The hallway is now cleared out, and the bedrooms have that to look forward to (see the previously posted list). With the other cleaning we have been doing, the kitchen monster is now whimpering instead of heaving its deafening roars. The bathroom goblins are close to extinction. And the living room, well, that's sort of a constant battle, just as easily won as lost.

However, instead of raising my battle cry at the top of my lungs yesterday whilst running headlong into the fray, I sort of muttered and schlumped slowly forward into the fringes. But, I did get a lot of the scary things that were clawing their way out of the sink defeated, and I believe I have all the dishes in check now. I even get a life mushroom for cleaning the microwave. Yesterday wasn't a total loss.

Today is sort of looking the same. I'll get things done. It will be slowly though, between blogging, reading blogs, laughing at blogs, and cruising through blogs.

And I didn't really want to get out of bed either.

Looking at little Jupiter so warm and cozy is making me want to go back to bed...

Because I'm Magically OCDelicious!

I have a thing. It's a thing for lists. I need lists. I discovered this working as a gas station attendant right after high school.

See, I am quite certain that while I was blessed with certain gifts (the ability to cry no matter what I am feeling and how much I don't want to, the talent to slaughter simple drawing paper with pencils and paints on occasion, etc.), our kind and gracious Father In Heaven opted not also bless me with much of a memory. And before you start, I KNOW you can work on that, improve your mental prowess by doing various brain exercises. However, my brain is about as lazy as the rest of my body.

Hence the need for lists.

I learned very quickly, from the aforementioned job, that if I did not write down everything I needed to do in order to have the store ready to close for the night, invariably I would forget something. Mopping the floor. Dismantling the soda machine. Cleaning the vile cesspit called the men's restroom (though I wonder if my brain was working on behalf of my olfactory senses on that one). And in forgetting to do that in a timely manner, I would remember to do it just before they demanded I clock out. Misers hated to pay over-time.

Now, if these were things to be done directly after closing, it would not be much of an issue. However, the majority of these things needed to be done before closing, and in needing to be open whilst I did this, it ensured that customers would interrupt with needing their $50 bucks worth of individually picked Lotto tickets and scratch-offs, four cartons of Marlboro Reds hard pack, and oh yeah, toss this magazine in for good measure.

My brain simply cannot handle maintaining a list while trying to count out change, watch gas pumps, and wonder what that shifty looking, pimply teen is doing over by the specially bagged 'naughty' mags.

It made life so much easier once I started keeping a list on paper. This continues to hold true.

This is my list for the day. Things that need to be done, things I want to accomplish, and some stuff I need to purchase at some point. I find that this sort of list helps me keep a little more focused on what is screaming at the top of its lungs for attention.

That and I also secretly hope that this will motivate the husband to know what needs to be done. Hasn't worked in 10 years though. I should give up on that. He does work on dishes frequently, and occasionally vacuums. I'll take that and run.

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On a side note, I would like to state that apartment living offers up many advantages, as well as dis-advantages. I can only assume the following people were doing this because of the apartment living dis-advantage of not having an actual yard.

Why yes, that IS a Lowe's cart with a cardboard sign taped to it saying 'YARD SALE'!

What's that?

Oh, yes, they are staked out roadside in the middle of a shopping/industrial area!

The Fruits Of Laboring Plants

Our little garden worked very hard last year. The seeds worked extra hard to grow their little hearts out, and the sickly seedlings we got (everything that was planted from seedling came to us at the end of the season and they were all ill) grew strong and healthy. The strawberries especially were very proud of themselves. They were the absolute last leftovers from the one greenhouse that had any left. I was almost certain that they wouldn't make it.

Small but packed with flavor! It's like the strawberry plants put the flavor of four large berries into each little one. :D

The round zucchini will be making a come back into the garden this year, as well as the other squashes, and the onions. Going to try odd colored carrots this year.

One of the first harvests. The pale pink white things are watermelon radishes. Taste like regular radishes, they just look cool, white flesh outside, red to dark pink inside. They will be coming back too. :)

Anticipation Of Dirt Under The Fingernails

Today has been exciting so far, and a little off kilter. After waking up to my alarm, I got up, then for some strange reason, laid back down. An hour and a half later, I woke up and realized that the child had half an hour to get ready to be on time to school. That was a bit of a scramble. Then off to school we go.

I needed storage tubs for the Christmas decor, as the old cardboard boxes had decided their lives were no longer worth living, so after dropping the child off, I head to the local department store (no, it doesn't end in a '-Mart', as I have semi-successfully boycotted those) to do my shopping. I get there and come to the dreaded realization that something is missing.

No, it's not my purse. It's not my little coin purse/wallet. It happens to be the little credit card and ID insert for the coin/purse wallet.

Argh! That has my debit card AND my driver's license!

So I had to return home.

I finally get back out and get my shopping done (nothing very eventful here really, except that all the storage tubs that WERE on sale are all regular price now. every last one of them) then return home, again, but this time to stay. For a while anyway. Calloo Callay! I get an e-mail in my absence. It's one that I have been waiting for since I posted those tiny veggies. Growing Gardens is now doing registration for the year!

*happy dance*

Sadly they have upped all prices some because of the increased water usage and other stuff, but still! I can start planning my garden now in earnest! And so in celebration of that, I will post pictures from last years endeavors.

You see that the front half of this plot is all nice and green and growing and happy, right? Well, that's not my half of the plot. This belong to my younger sister.

The sad looking patch of dirt with the scattered sickly looking flowers belongs to me. We ended up planting about a month late because we got the garden so late. We also ended up with the leftover dregs from the greenhouses.

Opposite corner, sort of, from the last picture. This is later in the season. We have the strawberries in now, but not sure what to do with the patch a little over next to the carrots. Eventually we rescued some tomato and chili plants, and they tried mightily to give us some small fruits, but they never got a chance to grow much.

The watermelons never did really take. However, you can see those sickly little flowers aren't so sickly anymore! :D